God is truly a matchmaker

It is a little long but worth the read, I promise

I have been single for almost seven years. Actually about the time when I found Jesus on July 30^th 2008 in an acting agency in Sydney, Australia while backpacking around the world and worshipping the universe and meditate all day (which is a whole story itself).

The week after I received the Holy Spirit (so radically that I felt like being on the best “drugs” ever), I heard God telling me: Marla, following me means for you no sex before marriage (yep, a lot of you quench right now, I can hear it. And its ok, I would do, too.  I’m not here to judge anyone, I’m telling My story and how God spoke individually to me in this situation).

So nobody told me that you can’t have sex apparently when you are not married,  but God told me that this is not what He has for my health.

And I felt such a relief in my heart and felt set free of: Wow, I get it. I understand it. I can’t have what I try to get out of my past because God was not in it. And it left me empty. It seemed for me always quick to exchange emotional intimacy with physical intimacy and not being able than to go back anymore but also not being able to leave it completely cause it didn’t go well altogether

I’m talking about a free choice with a free conviction that let me to an absolute blindness of any men in my life: I was a kissing addict and a party girl before and there I was, reading the bible Fridays and Saturdays night, balling my eyes out and just so in love with Jesus that I didn’t need anything or anyone else in my life.

Three years later, and a degree from a Bible College in Sydney, Australia, I checked in with the Lord if He might makes a nun out of me and that I would join a convent soon if He wants me to.

And if not He should warm up my heart to the idea of having a man in my life one day, and having kids etc.

The Lord sent me of all places to New York City, USA in 2011.

I was very hesitant when the Lord called me to NYC – it seemed far too big and too scary. But after the Lord clearly spoke to my mum  and I on a Pilgrimage in North Spain I said yes to go. NYC it is, acting school it is. Two years of crazy school time followed and connecting with fellow believers to keep my spirit alive in the city which truly never sleeps.

I met a girl in a Friday night church community in NYC, Arbie, who was telling me one time she is going to California to visit a community an hour away from LA.

I didn’t think anything of it, I just had California stuck in my head as the Lord started changing my heart to move to the Westcoast after finishing acting school. The first time I came out here was 2012 on a stop over to Australia for a friends wedding.

I reconnected with my Australian friends, Sarah and Nathan, who were weirdly enough already connected with my life since the first weeks of me being a Christian.

The weird feeling I felt was when I was in California: my husband is close. This disappeared again when I went back to New York, I felt a physical distance again.

The year later, I came out in the summer 2013 for 6 weeks to “spy the land” and got invited to a prayer night in a little house which I had the honor to move in later when I finally relocated for good to LA.

At this prayer night a short ‘stoned’ looking Christian missionary type of guy, lets call him Jared, introduced all of us to a newly wed couple who recently moved to LA, Camryn and Matt (Justins brother and Sister-in-law).

I fell in love with them straight away and ended up talking to Camryn about salvation and Jesus and she said: “Wow, your story is so amazing. I wonder with whom I can set you up with. There is a great community in Redlands with some great guys!” Little did I know by the time that she was talking about the same community my friend Arbie from New York used to visit.

I had to return to NYC one more time to finish classes and this time again, I felt very close to my husband in the spirit while being in California and when I went to NYC it disappeared again.

I finally moved to Cali in December 2013 to pursuit acting more deeply.

I started to become friends with Camryn and Matt through our mutual friends Sarah and Nathan.

In April 2014 the Lord started telling me to meet Camryn alone and start building a deeper friendship with her.

In July 2014 I went with my friend Sarah and her sister Liz to Camryn’s baby shower to Corona. While driving and sharing my frustration about the lack of amazing men in my life they prayed for my husband to come SOON!

On this day I met Kathleen (my soon to be mother-in-law). And I totally forgot about it actually till 3 months ago. I forgot how I stood in the kitchen with Sarah and her talking about her two other sons who are handsome, tall and still single! It totally slipped my mind till three months ago.

Crazy!

Last year, December 2014 I had my last faith prayer: to be THAT Christmas finally connected with my future husband. It was early December and all my faith was: Jesus, let me spend Christmas with my future in-laws, knowingly or not!  (What a prayer!)

The Lord clearly said to me: “Ask Camryn what they do for Christmas.”

I started wrestling with the Lord and literally said to Him: “What does that do good for me if I wanna spend Christmas with my future parents in law?” (little did I know about Justin).

The Lord kept me on it and said again: “Ask what Camryn is doing for Christmas.”

I finally “negotiated” with Him and said: “If she asks and invites me, I’ll go”

Well, she didn’t ask and that is not what God told me anyway. SO I didn’t go.

Camryn and Matt also tried to get me to a Redlands worship event the whole of 2014 and it never really happen to get down there. Always something fell through, but Redlands was on my heart.

On December 24 th 2014 the Lord took me on a date to Big Bear to be back in time to spend Christmas with my LA family on December 25^th.

So I’m driving down the 210 and all of the sudden there was a sign: Redlands! I’ve never seen it on a street sign before and never knew where it was.

The first thing I thought was: Camryn !! I pulled out at the exit and was wondering what to do. And the Lord said: “I told you! Have Christmas with them!”

Well, it was too late then, so I repented of not hearing and then let it go and stuck to the plan I had to just go on a date with Jesus.

In January 2015 I went with my friends Anna and Tim up to Redding and got crazy prophecies of my husband coming real soon and I should be prepared. By this time is was just a little angry and mad and “hope deferred” and brushed it off.

Mid February, on a Sunday I finally set up a date with my friend Erin Jo to go down to Redlands for an event to finally make it there. And last minute she pulled out and I could not believe it. I basically said out loud: “What is this Redlands thing, Lord? Is my husband there? Do I have to meet someone?”

The next day on Monday I got a random txt from a 22 year old awesome Christian “babybrother” who met me two years ago and thought he could ask me out for coffee.

By that time I was boiling!! “Why Lord ? What is up with all those young guys who are interested in me? Cant there be someone more in my age range?”

I was mad and frustrated and took my phone to block every single guy under 28 who could dare to ask me out.

Yet again I turned to the Lord and said: “29!!! I can do 29!! This is my cut off age!”

The next day, Tuesday, Camryn came over for coffee.

And Camryn asked me out of the blue: “Well, I have a question. Matt and I have actually already been praying about it since Christmas (!). We want you to meet my brother-in-law, Justin. We think you might really go together. His name is Justin, Justin Anderson.”

Me: “Justin Anderson???” That is crazy ----à (I wrote a book in German seven years prior and made up a name for my main character. And I remembered in that moment how I wanted it to be a real cool last name, like Anderson. And I gave my character the name: Jayke Justin Anderson.  Crazy!!! And there, Camryn is sitting in front of me in my house where I met her 1.5 years ago and wants me to introduce me to a potential life partner with the name Justin Anderson who happened to be her brother-in-law)
I could not believe it !! At this time I didn’t tell her about my book and the main character.

I asked: “Justin Anderson ? Interesting!”
Camryn: “Yes, he is from Redlands.”

Me: “Ah, from Redlands? Of course !! (in awe) and how old is Justin Anderson?”

Camryn: “Well he is a bit younger than you. 29?”

Me: “29? Aha! So Justin Anderson from Redlands who is 29?” I GOTTA MEET THIS MAN I thought !!! This is too crazy!

Well Camryn and Matt set up a family game night ten days later where we could get to know each other casually while meeting the whole family (and yes, of course I believed Matt when he said NOBODY knows why I’m coming out but “our mum and Justin of course”…well later on I found out that EVERYONE knew.

I walked in and get greeted in German from Justin’s dad, Ray, who happened to speak fluent German (of course!?) and happened to be half German and grew up only 60 miles from my parents farm in Germany and he told me: “Yes, we are all going to Germany this year. We are already booked. Justin is going too.”

Of all places and of all years: this year they decided to go to Germany, why not?

Well: the rest is history. Justin and I hit it off very well (I prayed for a film maker or business guy: Justin is both) and he is the exact height like my dear friend Andreas  from Germany who I hugged the year before at my last trip to  Germany with saying to him: hey, I acutally love your height ! I want a tall man, like you!

After the game night we went out for coffee the next day and spent three hours in a second hand store in Redlands, walking, looking around, sitting down and chatting away. By the end there was one moment I stood up and all of the sudden I felt the presence of the Lord really strongly that made me feel drunk in an instant.

There is so much more detail to the story, but another thing to add is that we are quiet fortunate that because of the already existing travel plans to Germany and the generosity of my parents to pay for a flight for me: our family already met last year for an amazing garden family BBQ and could get to know eachother already a bit. So when they come over we are not strangers.

God had it all planned and still has.

As crazy our story is as crazy we believe our journey will be too.

Oh, did i mention: we are getting married next month!!!

All I can say to all the single ladies out there: it is worth the wait. All those years, crying out sometimes, being mad and feeling forgotten sometimes, but not compromising: it was worth the wait. And as cheesy as it sounds I will be the luckiest and happiest woman alive with this man on my side till eternity. God IS faithful.

Salvation: the biggest miracle of all time

 

It flashes me all the time again when I hear people turned to Jesus, to my Jesus - my Lord, my Saviour, my friend.

Especially friends from childhood I have prayed for for so long and had chats with and talked about Jesus.

And then, all of the sudden I am long gone and live in a different country and they turn to Jesus out of a deap conviction about the truth of our saviour.The seed you have sown with God's help sprang up.

Right now, I cant get over it. I am sobbing. It brings me back to the scripture: Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy! ( Psalm 126:5)

So many tears I shed, I guess Jesus even more, and I prayed and was wondering: How? Lord, how?

And then, Jesus just turns them around in a second.

He is the only one who can do it.

It breaks my heart again and again

I am so in awe of our saviour.- Oh Lord, You are beautiful, Your face is all I seek.

These are things we can't do, but God can, He can and He will

and He does, all the time.

                                           AMEN! Bring on the harvest 2012!!!

Loving me is loving YOU - This Is The Story Of Us All

What were you thinking when you made me? What were you thinking when you put the colour in my eyes???? What did you think when you have given me this crazy mane of hair like a majestic lioness? Or when you have given me this small forehead, which I love? When you gave me the ability to raise my right eye brow? And what the heck did you think when you have given me this short legs and this big feet, honestly? It was a day of fun, wasn't it?

When I look around and see all this beautiful creations I have to laugh: some are stunningly beautiful, others are funny.

Sometimes you find a little funny thing on a gorgeous person like an ear which moved away a few millimeter from the head or one eye which is a bit smaller than the other or it even has a slightly different colour.

It was never that obvious though till I moved to New York City: what a meltin pot of a variety of people it is when you watch them in the subway.

Sitting, standing, chatting, dreaming, starring, with headphones, with I phones, babies, business men, students, homeless. All those people! And they do all look different.

But all those people have come from the same hands and the same heart like I did: same potter- same clay.

They deserve to be loved like I am loved.

Do they know it? Do they search? Did they find yet? Have they already given up?

Do they have the same amount of quick little thoughts in their heads which sometimes run 100 miles/hr like I have?

Random pictures pop up in my head which usually take me on a journey from Mars to the stripes of bees and the amazing weight of a cloudburst, which falls on a lukewarm summer night- in a millisecond.

That is how my brain functions. I don't really understand it, but I roll with it.

I let it go knowing deep in my heart that I am loved abundantly by the potter who only uses one type of clay for all of us.

THE TRUE IS GO(O)D...

“Pull back, it is not your business anymore”, she clearly heard the voice inside of her heart who gently tried to push her on a different path, an unknown path which was “less traveled by, but has made all the difference”(sorry mr. robert lee frost). She briefly resisted: it was so easy to just fall into this self pitty again and feel unworthy and not recognized. “But how should people know that it was acutally me to the same time? That I have created the choreograhpy as well? This is not fair!”

“So what do you reckon? Walking around and telling everyone how great you are? Is this, the opinion of others, so important for you? Really?”

“But how shall they know?”

“Don't I see your heart and you satisfy me? Stay humble and I will elevate you in the right timing.”

Sophie fell back on the chair in her room. Her heart was crumbling. Would she stay and wait and trust Him as she usually does?

“Yes, Lord, I trust you.”

“I told you, you run your own race, there is no one in front of you or next to you. It is just you and me. Fix your eyes on the prize and don't give up”

I guess, many times we are so interupted with other people's blessings that we don't see what is in front of us - we have fear of missing out, of not beeing at the right time at the right spot to pick up our little present and reap what eventually others have sown anyway.

But is that the passion which should drive us? Isn't it the satisfaction itself without the reward, without the trophy in the end? The good word of another person? Shouldn't it be the drive inside of us to do things regardless just of the sake of doing them?

I guess when we do it and stay faithful and true to ourselves and we do not depend on other people's comments, we will rise up in our own confidence so much that we know, what we know, what we always have known:

There is only one person in your life ever who knows you by heart and knows your heart altogether. Isn't this amazing?

It's not your partner, your grandma or your parents, your friends, your family or Dr. Hope.

It's the King of Glory who brings out the glory within you - for all to see.

Waiting inbetween- inbetween waiting

The body moves, the heart follows, the spirit drives.

To have it all, three things moving to the same time in the right direction: awesome!

But this is rare.

We are usually waiting for something: waiting for the husband to come home, waiting for the appointment at the Doctor's, waiting for our friends to decide whether to spend time with us or not.

Waiting for a book to get published,

waiting for an answer to an audition or waiting for

Mr Right to finally enter our life!

Life seems to be a long waiting period- often in stand by mode.

What can we do to change the space inbetween waiting to not just waiting inbetween?

You have done everything you could possibly do? Do you believe you were supposed to do what you have done? And now you wish to see your dreams come to pass?

Then sit back and relax.

Read a good book. Help your mum painting the kitchen, bake some christmas cookies for your friends, visit your grandparents you haven't seen for ages.

Take the dog for a walk in the bush, enjoy the last flowers of the year.

Stretch your face into the sun and let the shafts of sunlight tiggle your nose.

Relax and say: Thank you, Abba, for bringing it to pass! For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it certainly come and will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)

Don't get busy with new plans, new dreams, new visions- in case the others don't work out.

Sit in His presence, dwell in Him and listen to His heartbeat and hear His voice whispering: 

                            

                          YOU ARE NOT RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!

WIDE AWAKE

Generally being wide awake is great, isn't it? You feel like you could rip out trees and you have so much energy to do amazing things outside.

What if you are wide awake and it is 12.30 am and your are supposed to sleep as the alarm clock will go off at 5.30 am regardless?

Not only that pressure rests upon you, its also that: the quintesence is you are still wide awake and you can't sleep, what shall you do?

Everyone else seems to be asleep an you are lying in your bed like a restless lion ready to go hunting.

Nobody in the world seems to share this situation with you. Your body wants to sleep as it needs rest and your mind is going hundred miles an hour. All of the sudden.

Its not the moon, its not too much alcohol which keeps you awake, it's not an important test the other morning which fearfully robs your sleep: it is just what it is. But why?

Is that really important to find out the why in that case?

You try to keep every move silent while you crawl out of your bed where you can't stay any more minute, otherwise you would go insane.

You feel insane already, you feel this dry mouth where your tongue is pressed towards your jaw. Just because.

Why is being wide awake so bad when everyone else is asleep?

Who tells you you are supposed to be one of them and just sleep also?

The night is for sleeping and the day for not being tired!

I get myself downstairs and prepare a nice cup of cocoa. At least it is not 30 Degrees at night, so it feels like kind of christmassy to have some hot chocolate during a summer night to put myself back to sleep. I light up some candles.

The clock is showing 2.10 am and nobody is online!
What happened to my overseas friends? In Sydney it is only noon and I am sitting here in the middle of the night all by myself! What a test, wide awake, if I haven't mentioned that yet.

And the cocoa doesn't do the job anyway. I feel even more awake than before.

“Let's dance, Marla. And enjoy the night!” I hear the voice which excites me everytime.

Why not? I take my Ipod and put music on...and am dancing away in the candle light with my cocoa in one hand...

What a night...I never wanna swap this experience for a good nights sleep ever.

30th of July- A third birthday

Imagine you could remember your third birthday when you were a little toddler.

You sat there on your little kids seat at the breakfast table and you knew that something is really special today. There was a birthday cake placed in front of you- only for you. It was one of this typical little chocolate cakes, on top of them three lighted candles. With bride eyes you focused on the candles. You were so excited that your skin tickles. You were so innocent and pure like a child is supposed to be. You recognised your parents standing next to the table. They smiled at you. They loved you unconditionally. You knew that deep inside-trust was connected to you inseperable. You didn't even think about it – you knew.

I remember my Birth Day. I was in Sydney. It was 7pm at night.

This little girl in front of this birthday chocolate cake at her third birthday was long hidden or lost - I was not sure what has happened to her.

I see this picture: I stand in front of this door. It belongs to my heart. I sit basically in my heart and I am not sure what to do with it and how to use it. I watch the door handle. It seems to exist only from the inside of the door. Shall I open?

With a childlike faith, a slightly fear, but overflowed by a wave of excitement and nosiness I stand there and I open it. Slowly, curious.

A wave of liquid love hits me and brings me to my knees, face down. With a white glaze of glory I see a word written in the air in front of me: RESTORE!

I saw the breakfast table again. There is this little child- who trusts and know that everything is allright.

I feel like this child again. I trust, I am full of trust. Overflowing in my heart like a river.

I know that I know that I know that I have always known...

Today is my third birthday.